How to Stop Emotionally Gaslighting Yourself

How to Stop Emotionally Gaslighting Yourself

We often think of gaslighting as something done to us—a manipulation of truth, a distortion of reality. But what happens when we do it to ourselves?

It’s subtle. It sounds like:

• “It’s not that big of a deal.”

• “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

• “I’m just being dramatic.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

And just like that, we disconnect from our own emotional truth.

What Is Emotional Self-Gaslighting?

It’s the habit of invalidating your own feelings. Of minimizing your pain. Of talking yourself out of what you know, deep down, to be real.

It’s what happens when we internalize the belief that emotions are inconvenient, irrational, or unsafe.

We second-guess our needs. We question our instincts. We convince ourselves that what we feel isn’t valid—until we stop trusting ourselves altogether.

Why We Do It

Often, emotional self-gaslighting is a learned survival strategy. Maybe you were raised in a home where your feelings were dismissed or shamed. Maybe you learned that being “low maintenance” or “easygoing” got you love and approval. Maybe you had to become the strong one—the fixer, the caretaker—so your emotions had to take a back seat.

The problem is, over time, that dismissal becomes internalized. And even when the external circumstances change, the internal dialogue stays the same.

The Cost of Silencing Yourself

Every time you shut down your emotions, you send a signal to yourself: “What I feel doesn’t matter.” And over time, that message builds disconnection—from your body, your needs, your voice.

You can’t heal what you don’t allow yourself to feel.

So How Do You Stop?

It starts with noticing. Notice when you feel discomfort, then ask yourself:

• What am I telling myself right now?

• Is this the voice of self-compassion—or self-dismissal?

• What would it look like to honor this feeling instead of silence it?

Then, practice replacing dismissal with curiosity:

• Instead of “I’m just being sensitive,” try “What is this sensitivity trying to show me?”

• Instead of “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try “There’s a reason I feel this way. Can I be curious about it?”

This isn’t about wallowing in emotion—it’s about building emotional trust with yourself. It’s about learning to say: “My experience matters. My feelings are valid. I can trust what I feel.”

You are not too much. You are not making it up. You are not broken. You’re just learning to hear yourself again. And that? That’s where healing begins.