How do you evaluate your relationships?
I’m not referring to your relationships with people, but with everyday elements. Every human has a relationship with career, money, health, time...the things that shape your daily routines.
These relationships create the foundation of our life. We spend large chunks of time every day thinking about these elements or taking action because of them (going to work, exercising, meditating, eating, living). And I’m willing to bet you have habits around each of these elements - just like I do - that were honed through experience dealing with these daily, influential, and essential elements.
However, the majority of us are running on autopilot, so we don’t pause to consider how our relationships to these elements affect our life experience. Until today!
GROWING UP
Throughout your entire life you have been exposed to different patterns - from your family, neighborhood, friends, school, etcetera. You absorbed so much more than you are even aware of. That’s the root of the old joke; most of us turn into versions of our parents. Well, that’s because we spent a long time observing them.
But as an adult you get a choice in terms of who you want to turn into. Who do you want to be? Do you want to be someone who blindly stumbles through patterns you’ve created over years of practice that no longer serve you, or do you want to reflect and reevaluate?
As adults we all can agree that money, health, career, and time play major roles in our day to day life. So, by that logic, don’t you think examining how you relate to these elements and how they show up in your life is a good idea?
Good. ME TOO!
TIME
These are heavy topics. So, for today let’s talk about the element that affects everything else in our lives: TIME.
Time is precious. But your relationship with time can be destructive if you ignore it. If you believe that there’s never enough time, you will continue to experience situations that make you feel like that.
Conversely, if you believe that you will get to it “all in good time”, you will continue to experience situations that confirm that belief. That’s how your mind works: you have a belief that is created from an experience, but because that is already what you believe, you will continue to experience similar situations to confirm your belief. It’s your mind’s way of justifying what you believe.
Living in the United States, we experience a culture where we’re taught that there’s never enough time. However, what we all need to understand is that because we believe that, we’ll continue to experience that kind of stressed-out relationship with time.
So, take the first step and accept you can change that.
HOW TO CHANGE
When you live in a world like ours where your job is asking one thing of you, you’re trying to take care of the house, and your kids are pulling at you for attention, the idea that “your toxic relationship with time is causing this reality” is infuriating. I get that. But you can change your relationship with time to improve your life.
Your relationship with time was created by previous experiences, and those experiences created habits that keep landing you in the same situation. The only way to change your relationship with time is to start by changing the actions you repeat that become habits. That means you need to accept that you need to make different decisions, and that will probably feel uncomfortable.
SIMPLE STEPS
When I was studying to become a health professional I had a teacher who said, “Anyone who tells you they don’t have time is full of it! People make time for the things that matter to them.”
She was right! So commit to making this matter to you. Check out the helpful tips and habits below that you can use to improve your relationship with time:
Create a to-do list the night BEFORE and apply the 80/20 rule.
Circle the things that are in the top 20% of what’s most important to do and start with those.
Stop brain drain.
Don’t allow distractions to grab your attention. It takes the human brain extra time when shifting from subject to subject. A simple text can wait until you’re done with what you’re working on to preserve energy and time.
Create a Stop Doing list.
Create a list of things you can cut out of your day to day (TV, eating unhealthily, negative people, complaining, saying Yes to everyone,etc). As Steve Jobs said, “What makes Apple successful were the projects they decided not to do.” Think about that.
Notice your tendencies to distract or avoid.
There’s a reason why we do this, which typically means we need to do it sooner. Pay attention to your instincts and listen to what they’re telling you.
Log your time.
Keep a week long log of where you spend your time (sleeping, eating, shower, etc) and learn more about how you waste time. Then, schedule in all your activities (HINT: include flex time for when life happens).
SELF-CARE AND TIME
Part of self-care is understanding YOUR needs and how much time they take. We tend to put ourselves on the back burner when stress is high, but establishing a healthy relationship with time, where YOU MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, will leave you feeling empowered and respected.
It won’t be easy, and it will feel uncomfortable, but Bill Baren, the author of The Art & Science of Conscious Success said it best,
“Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.”
The choice is yours!