What do you hear inside your head? Most of us are aware that we hear thoughts constantly throughout the day. We don’t always focus on them, but we recognize they are there.
Do you ever question when you are listening and when you’re not? My guess is, probably not.
From my experience working with clients both in personal training and coaching, it seems that the thoughts people listen to are the more fear-filled ones, or the ones that follow more of a negative pattern. Most of us don’t seem to listen during the happy moments…why not?
What is happening during the happy moments that distract us from the chatter?
What I have found is, it’s that we are present. We immerse ourselves in the happy moment so much so that we can’t even hear what’s going on inside our head; we are in a state of total happiness, free from the mindless chatter.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have the ability to bring yourself into that space of presence and happiness whenever you want?
Well, I have some good news…..YOU CAN!
OUR FEELINGS
Considering that what I’m talking about creating is a space of more happiness, we need to discuss how we feel a bit more. At the end of the day, the truth is that we choose our emotions based on our conditioned mindset, and that dictates how we direct our energy and our thoughts. So to create more happiness, it’s a matter of taking simple steps, but the challenge is in the practice. I say this to create a realistic picture of the work needed.
When it comes to our emotions, most of us haven’t really been taught much about them other than how to label them when we feel them. The lucky few have done deeper work for themselves, but most of humanity is stuck in reactivity. But my hope is that this work can change that.
If you were raised like me, you were taught that emotions are to be controlled; that there are certain times where it is “acceptable” to feel and other times where you should be embarrassed. This might be a good message from parents to “teach” their kids the way of the world, but often that comes at the cost of the child disconnecting from their intuition.
If you’ve been conditioned like this all your life, emotions like anger and sadness feel like energy that you can’t escape, but moments of joy feel like you can’t hold onto them. Why the difference?
Well, how often do you try to avoid joy? Most people would say never. We give our emotions their power based on how we respond to them. What I have recognized is that the purpose of emotions is to guide us, not for us to control them. They are our internal GPS system, letting us know what needs our attention. If we feel lonely, that’s our spirit telling us we are craving connection. If we are angry, that means we are feeling misunderstood or feeling resistance to what is and struggling to accept it.
So part of thinking yourself happy is accepting your role and the power you have. When you resist an emotion, that emotional state lingers. So if you want more happiness, you can’t avoid anger or sadness or any of the other low-hanging emotions, they are needed for the human experience. It’s a conscious choice to give yourself space to let emotions flow through you.
The reality is, we don’t do this partially because we haven’t been taught how to process our emotions this way, but also because let’s face it, those low-hanging emotions feel kind of crappy. BUT we are going to feel them regardless, the power we have is to choose how long we want to feel them.
If you want a longer experience of those negative emotions, continue to resist them and limit your happiness. BUT if you CHOOSE happiness, respect the low hanging emotions and give them space to be understood and flow through you so you can return to a place of happiness.That’s great, but how do you do that? GREAT QUESTION!
Follow these simple steps. Keep in mind if this is new to you, it’ll take practice and patience. Be kind and compassionate as you flex this new muscle.
Identify the feeling
Understand it in your body
Observe your body’s language of this feeling; are you sweating, is your breathing faster, do you feel hot or cold, or any type of tightness,etc
Uncover the hidden meaning you are adding to the situation
Watch this brief clip to explain how we make meaning
Take 6 deep breaths
Clarify your intention (i.e. I choose happiness, I don’t want to let this bother me, etc)
Determine the smallest action you can take to move forward in alignment with your intention
DIRECT YOUR ENERGY
You are SO powerful and you don’t know it. We all are. We have the power to create and distribute energy where we choose, but who is driving our energy? Most of us are letting our ego run the show. Our ego’s primary job is to keep us safe, so first and foremost, it’s always seeking out a possible threat. This is why when things are going well, we almost get scared and think of what could go wrong, or wait for the other shoe to drop. Sound familiar? We don’t trust our experience of positive emotions out of fear of “jinxing it” or falling back into a negative place.
With our ego running the show, it directs our energy to recognize possible threats. Let me ask you this, how many bears or lions do you run into on a daily basis? Most people would say none. A bear or a lion is a real threat; someone having a different opinion or different solution is NOT a threat, not really. But to our ego, it feels like it is. To create a deeper understanding around this, read my Anxiety Blog.
If you want to think yourself happy you need to practice showing the ego who is really in charge. But in order to shift the power back to your authentic spirit you can’t just kick the ego out, technically you can’t even find it. Rather, you need to work with the ego, so when the ego chirps up with a fearful thought, you need to recognize that that’s just your FIRST thought, it’s the automatic response. It doesn’t define or dictate how you’re going to respond. THEN your authentic spirit needs to control the second thought.
How? Challenge your ego thought. You don’t have to blindly believe it. When a negative thought pops up, stop, take a deep breath, and think, “but what could go right?” When you control your second thought, that’s how you start to show your ego that it’s safe for your authentic spirit to be in control.
CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS WISELY
[i. We immerse ourselves in the happy moment so much so that we can’t even hear what’s going on inside our head; we are in a state of total happiness, free from the mindless chatter.
Your thoughts are the power source for your entire life experience. It’s kind of crazy. This is how it works: you have your beliefs, and these create repetitive thoughts, which create a feeling (triggering a hormonal release), which leads you to an action and you get your result. Ideally, you want to update your beliefs, but that’s a more intensive, deep dive of a job. If you’re interested in that, I encourage you to schedule a free call and I can help get your started. But our thoughts are the next best place to start.
Our brain prefers what is familiar, so thoughts practiced are thoughts repeated. That’s part of the supportive science behind affirmations. Have you ever had the thought, “I’m not enough”? How often? Can you even count? Our society suffers from a scarcity mindset (never enough) and it is damaging our life experience. When you believe you’re not enough you will find you repeat thoughts that feel and sound similar to “I’m not enough”. But have you ever switched the script and asked yourself, “What is enough? What would enough look like and feel like?” The problem with ‘not enough’ is that it creates an invisible finish line that we can never cross (but I already wrote that blog 😜). What I want you to recognize is how frequently you hear the thoughts associated with ‘I’m not enough’.
Now practice saying “I’m awesome and my best is always good enough.”
How awkward does that feel to you? Probably because you haven’t practiced it. This is just an example, but my point is you’ve been practicing “not enough”, that’s familiar and our brain likes familiarity. The alternate thought of ‘I’m awesome and my best is always good enough’ feels uncomfortable because it’s not something we’re used to practicing. BUT if you start to practice thoughts that lead to happy vibes, your brain will begin to consider those thoughts as familiar and will find its way to those thoughts quicker.
CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY
This might sound too easy but it isn’t. Telling yourself you’re going to do these things is easy. Actually doing them is the work. But every day you are making choices, most of them you’re making without even recognizing it’s happening. But here’s the truth:
Happy people aren’t happy by coincidence,
they choose happiness day after day.
When you can recognize and clarify the happy thoughts you want to have, you will be able to redirect your energy to feel happy. And while it doesn’t erase the trigger that caused the bad thought to begin with, it is important that you consciously focus your energy on your positive thoughts so you can find your way to Happy.
The choice is yours.
Are you ready to think yourself happy? I can help. I’ve helped dozens of people reframe their mindset and work towards a happier, healthier lifestyle, and I’m here to help you do the same thing. If you are READY to CHOOSE happiness→ CLICK HERE!